Monday, March 14, 2005
This is the best headline from my Onion calendar in the past two weeks: "There's No 'My Kid Has Cancer' in Team." Also excellent: "Asprin and Bottle of Bourbon Reduces Awareness of Heart Attacks."
Hehehehe.
Today was a good day as a sub (high schoolers--thank God) despite the fact that I called security and wrote a referral for the first time ever, and three of my students were arrested at school last semester, so that's saying something. (Isn't that a depressing sentence? I would rather call security and/or watch my students being handcuffed than teach in a middle school.) Oh well, it's true =)
P.S. My roommate and her boyfriend just made Tuna Helper. Nothing smells better than tuna and powered cheese heated up with skim milk.
Dear Christ on the Cross does it smell in here.
P.P.S. Excited by the prospect of going out not once, not twice, but three or even (God help us) four times this week. Time to open the Excel file cleverly titled "March Budget" and do some tweaking. First cut: Social Security. Number two: Medicaid.
Hehehehe.
Today was a good day as a sub (high schoolers--thank God) despite the fact that I called security and wrote a referral for the first time ever, and three of my students were arrested at school last semester, so that's saying something. (Isn't that a depressing sentence? I would rather call security and/or watch my students being handcuffed than teach in a middle school.) Oh well, it's true =)
P.S. My roommate and her boyfriend just made Tuna Helper. Nothing smells better than tuna and powered cheese heated up with skim milk.
Dear Christ on the Cross does it smell in here.
P.P.S. Excited by the prospect of going out not once, not twice, but three or even (God help us) four times this week. Time to open the Excel file cleverly titled "March Budget" and do some tweaking. First cut: Social Security. Number two: Medicaid.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
I met a French person today while I was pretending to be an elementary school librarian ('cause that's what substitutes are--frauds). I was not expecting to meet a French person, and it was a nice suprise. Go France.
I also discovered that I am virtually useless when it comes to helping little black girls fix their hair. Someday I will master the barettes and the ponytail holders with the plastic ball things that hurt like a bitch when you accidentally snap your fingernail with them.
I also saw the incredible Prince (as in the artist formerly known as) lookalike making his daily rounds up and down 72nd St. I like to think that he installs car stereos at Nebraska Furniture Mart and spends all of his money on purple suede pants and fem hair care products so he can't afford a car. He is so cool.
The last two episodes of "Arrested Development" had a pants-wetting factor of 9.5. The only thing funnier than Tobias putting crocheted baby clothes on a Golden Retriever and Maeybe producing a movie adaptation of "The Old Man and the Sea" called "The Young Man at the Beach" was Buster getting his hand bitten off by a seal in a yellow bowtie. I'm so proud to live in a country where our TV writers have the guts to throw a guy with a hook for a hand into the plot mix just because it's so g*damn funny. (I'm into censoring myself now.)
PS. Am havinga severe allergic reaction to unknown substance and have a rash that makes me look like I've been gulping Kool-Aid and spilling it all over my face. The good news is that I have a job interview with my old high school principal tomorrow. Nothing says professional like a Kool-Aid mustache.
I also discovered that I am virtually useless when it comes to helping little black girls fix their hair. Someday I will master the barettes and the ponytail holders with the plastic ball things that hurt like a bitch when you accidentally snap your fingernail with them.
I also saw the incredible Prince (as in the artist formerly known as) lookalike making his daily rounds up and down 72nd St. I like to think that he installs car stereos at Nebraska Furniture Mart and spends all of his money on purple suede pants and fem hair care products so he can't afford a car. He is so cool.
The last two episodes of "Arrested Development" had a pants-wetting factor of 9.5. The only thing funnier than Tobias putting crocheted baby clothes on a Golden Retriever and Maeybe producing a movie adaptation of "The Old Man and the Sea" called "The Young Man at the Beach" was Buster getting his hand bitten off by a seal in a yellow bowtie. I'm so proud to live in a country where our TV writers have the guts to throw a guy with a hook for a hand into the plot mix just because it's so g*damn funny. (I'm into censoring myself now.)
PS. Am havinga severe allergic reaction to unknown substance and have a rash that makes me look like I've been gulping Kool-Aid and spilling it all over my face. The good news is that I have a job interview with my old high school principal tomorrow. Nothing says professional like a Kool-Aid mustache.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
O. My. God. Sixth graders have become the bane of my existence.....trying to sub for them is a lot like trying to discipline evil but cute puppies. You know you should yell at them but you can't, and they push you and push you and PUSH YOU until, well, you write their names down for their real teacher and then you feel like a creep tattletale and you wonder how your life has gone so horribly wrong.
I didn't watch the Oscars for the fourth year in a row, although I did see about four minutes when Chris Rock talked about "Soulplane," which was funny.
I have suddenly become semi-obsessed with CSI: Miami, which is embarrasing enough, but the reason is that I had a completely random 7th grade flashback of someone talking about David Caruso being semi-nude on NYPD Blue and have developed a bizarre curiosity. (About David Caruso, not NYPD Blue) He has literally no facial expressions and talks like what I assume robot crime scene investigators will in 75 years, and is clearly wearing mascara due to "blonde eyelash" syndrome common amongst the very fair redheads. But who can argue with a vague memory of unseen partial nudity from the 7th grade? And so watch I must....
Next up, I revitalize my fantasy crush on Patrick Swayze (developed circa. 1988 when a friend's mom let us watch "Dirty Dancing" for some reason) only to discover that he is no longer the sexy, rebellious dancing hick he used to be.
I saw the poster for the Johnny Depp "Willi Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" movie. So wrong. A.) The first movie was EXCELLENT and yet memorably crappy in parts--no need for a remake and B.) It is wrong to want to f*ck Willi Wonka. Very, very wrong. But let's face it, we all want to. Just admit it. I'm sure Johnny has had those feelings about you, too.
Songs I'm listening to right now: "Strange and Beautiful" by Aqualung and "La Belle at La Bette" by Big Soul. In that order. Over and over and over again.
I didn't watch the Oscars for the fourth year in a row, although I did see about four minutes when Chris Rock talked about "Soulplane," which was funny.
I have suddenly become semi-obsessed with CSI: Miami, which is embarrasing enough, but the reason is that I had a completely random 7th grade flashback of someone talking about David Caruso being semi-nude on NYPD Blue and have developed a bizarre curiosity. (About David Caruso, not NYPD Blue) He has literally no facial expressions and talks like what I assume robot crime scene investigators will in 75 years, and is clearly wearing mascara due to "blonde eyelash" syndrome common amongst the very fair redheads. But who can argue with a vague memory of unseen partial nudity from the 7th grade? And so watch I must....
Next up, I revitalize my fantasy crush on Patrick Swayze (developed circa. 1988 when a friend's mom let us watch "Dirty Dancing" for some reason) only to discover that he is no longer the sexy, rebellious dancing hick he used to be.
I saw the poster for the Johnny Depp "Willi Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" movie. So wrong. A.) The first movie was EXCELLENT and yet memorably crappy in parts--no need for a remake and B.) It is wrong to want to f*ck Willi Wonka. Very, very wrong. But let's face it, we all want to. Just admit it. I'm sure Johnny has had those feelings about you, too.
Songs I'm listening to right now: "Strange and Beautiful" by Aqualung and "La Belle at La Bette" by Big Soul. In that order. Over and over and over again.
