Monday, August 29, 2005
This is my new "seating." It's the exact pattern, but my cushions are bigger, less square, and squishier. Take that, Lassie!
I had this conversation with a cashier at the Wal-Mart.
Me: Oh, I forgot, I have these fake flower things, too.
Cashier: That's OK.
(Scans items. Register reads: 'Fern Bush $1.50, Bush $1.50')
Cashier: Huh. 'Fern bush,' and then just 'bush.' Huh.
Me: Yeah. (unconvincing polite chuckle)
Cashier: I don't know what that's all about.
Me: Hmmm. I don't know. (smiling politely)
Cashier: Just don't know what these things will ring up.
Me: You know computers. Heh.
Cashier: Busy today. Busy, busy, busy.
Me: Yep.
Cashier: Makes the time go faster, though.
Me: Oh, well that's good.
Cashier: OK, There you go. You have a nice day hon. Enjoy your bush!
Me: Oh, I forgot, I have these fake flower things, too.
Cashier: That's OK.
(Scans items. Register reads: 'Fern Bush $1.50, Bush $1.50')
Cashier: Huh. 'Fern bush,' and then just 'bush.' Huh.
Me: Yeah. (unconvincing polite chuckle)
Cashier: I don't know what that's all about.
Me: Hmmm. I don't know. (smiling politely)
Cashier: Just don't know what these things will ring up.
Me: You know computers. Heh.
Cashier: Busy today. Busy, busy, busy.
Me: Yep.
Cashier: Makes the time go faster, though.
Me: Oh, well that's good.
Cashier: OK, There you go. You have a nice day hon. Enjoy your bush!
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Gaaaaaaaaaah! I'm here!
My dad and I drove through the following American states in one 14 hour day:
1. Kansas
2. Missouri (Fix your roads you cheap bastards! )
3. Illinois
4. Indiana
5. Kentucky
6. West Virginia
It rained about 80% of the time, which fogged the windows and let me relax comfortably, wrapped in a warm blanket of denial. For all I could tell I was still driving through my neighborhood!
The next day we arrived, I moved my stuff in, and I made my maiden voyage to the Wal-Mart that it strategically located 25 seconds from my apartment. I spent a lot of money on nothing exciting (except Barq's Root Beer, which is always exciting) and got to scope out some of the local Wal-Mart shopping types. In the interest of being a good Christian/Democrat/American/Human I will not make any untoward comments about my new neighbors, but suffice it to say that I could write a War and Peace sized book about them, and it would not increase tourism in the area. That said, I was not looking so hot or sophisticated during my shopping spree as it was hotter than a crotch and just as humid.
HOWEVER, the views around here are tremendous. Actually, the view from the Wal-Mart parking lot is the best I've seen yet. It makes exiting the automatic sliding doors an even more inspirational experience.
I have an internet connection (obviously), but I am having a lot of trouble getting used to it, as my modem operates at lightning speeds of up to 60 Kbps. It only takes 8 hours to download a song! I'm spending too much money on rent, so I must economize in other areas.
I also don't have cable...I have the rabbit ears up on my TVs, and I can get Fox and NBC pretty clearly. Also, three religious channels.
More later from the state that is only 2.34 years away from its 400th birthday! (And it looks so young!)
My dad and I drove through the following American states in one 14 hour day:
1. Kansas
2. Missouri (Fix your roads you cheap bastards! )
3. Illinois
4. Indiana
5. Kentucky
6. West Virginia
It rained about 80% of the time, which fogged the windows and let me relax comfortably, wrapped in a warm blanket of denial. For all I could tell I was still driving through my neighborhood!
The next day we arrived, I moved my stuff in, and I made my maiden voyage to the Wal-Mart that it strategically located 25 seconds from my apartment. I spent a lot of money on nothing exciting (except Barq's Root Beer, which is always exciting) and got to scope out some of the local Wal-Mart shopping types. In the interest of being a good Christian/Democrat/American/Human I will not make any untoward comments about my new neighbors, but suffice it to say that I could write a War and Peace sized book about them, and it would not increase tourism in the area. That said, I was not looking so hot or sophisticated during my shopping spree as it was hotter than a crotch and just as humid.
HOWEVER, the views around here are tremendous. Actually, the view from the Wal-Mart parking lot is the best I've seen yet. It makes exiting the automatic sliding doors an even more inspirational experience.
I have an internet connection (obviously), but I am having a lot of trouble getting used to it, as my modem operates at lightning speeds of up to 60 Kbps. It only takes 8 hours to download a song! I'm spending too much money on rent, so I must economize in other areas.
I also don't have cable...I have the rabbit ears up on my TVs, and I can get Fox and NBC pretty clearly. Also, three religious channels.
More later from the state that is only 2.34 years away from its 400th birthday! (And it looks so young!)
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
My last day! Gaaaaaaah! I should be doing something better than this!
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Packing all of your earthly belongings into a car and then taking 50% of them back out again because they won't fit really sucks.
I can't see anything out the back window, and the passenger seat is stuck in a position best suited for an individual of, oh, 6'3" or so. (Hmmm, who could that be?) Oh well, Dad and I will just have to enjoy the bonus leg room and hope that no one is ever behind us on the 1250 mile trip. No problem.
I'm kind of looking forward to a major road trip. I bought the essentials, of course: Peanut M&Ms, Barq's Root Beer (has bite), Tropical Dots (exciting new product, more on this later), Nerds, Wheat Thins, Fig Newtons, and something for me to throw up in. Kidding. The trick is to buy a bunch of junk food and then only eat about 15% of it (7.5% per person) and let the rest of it roll around and spill all over the car so that there are mystery stains on your jeans and crumbs in your hair when you get out in Kentucky or Mars or wherever to fill up.
One more day to go. Gulp.
I can't see anything out the back window, and the passenger seat is stuck in a position best suited for an individual of, oh, 6'3" or so. (Hmmm, who could that be?) Oh well, Dad and I will just have to enjoy the bonus leg room and hope that no one is ever behind us on the 1250 mile trip. No problem.
I'm kind of looking forward to a major road trip. I bought the essentials, of course: Peanut M&Ms, Barq's Root Beer (has bite), Tropical Dots (exciting new product, more on this later), Nerds, Wheat Thins, Fig Newtons, and something for me to throw up in. Kidding. The trick is to buy a bunch of junk food and then only eat about 15% of it (7.5% per person) and let the rest of it roll around and spill all over the car so that there are mystery stains on your jeans and crumbs in your hair when you get out in Kentucky or Mars or wherever to fill up.
One more day to go. Gulp.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
My blog should just be a list of the things I spill on myself. Boring, yes, but extensive.
Today:
-Coca~Cola
-Chinese noodles
-Bubble Tea
-milk ( I cried over it)
-water
Also: I just finished the greatest mix tape/CD combination I have ever finished.
It has cover art (it's a collage!) and it comes with an authentic, hand-signed letter from me, Jenny! Now if only it hadn't taken me so very many hours to make it....
How is it that it's possible for me to spend enormous amounts of time making mix tapes and not finish a stupid Michael Crichton novel? So it was a piece of crap, so what? I picked up the damn thing, I can read English, I have two (TWO!) college degrees from the top university east of 72nd street and west of 58th street, and I should damn well finish what I started, right?
Next up: I have to start writing and talking about writing with other people. I have a feeling graduate student creative writing types will be 50% fun but weird, and 50% just weird. I am 50% weird and 65% water with added ingredients for freshness.
I met a 96 year old lady at Target a few weeks ago. She told me to live a long life I shouldn't smoke, drink, or go to bed with strange men. That means no fling with Russell Crowe. Dammit.
What if the man is strange, but I know him? Hmmm. Loophole?
Question: Who is going to need that many tampons? (See previous post)
Today:
-Coca~Cola
-Chinese noodles
-Bubble Tea
-milk ( I cried over it)
-water
Also: I just finished the greatest mix tape/CD combination I have ever finished.
It has cover art (it's a collage!) and it comes with an authentic, hand-signed letter from me, Jenny! Now if only it hadn't taken me so very many hours to make it....
How is it that it's possible for me to spend enormous amounts of time making mix tapes and not finish a stupid Michael Crichton novel? So it was a piece of crap, so what? I picked up the damn thing, I can read English, I have two (TWO!) college degrees from the top university east of 72nd street and west of 58th street, and I should damn well finish what I started, right?
Next up: I have to start writing and talking about writing with other people. I have a feeling graduate student creative writing types will be 50% fun but weird, and 50% just weird. I am 50% weird and 65% water with added ingredients for freshness.
I met a 96 year old lady at Target a few weeks ago. She told me to live a long life I shouldn't smoke, drink, or go to bed with strange men. That means no fling with Russell Crowe. Dammit.
What if the man is strange, but I know him? Hmmm. Loophole?
Question: Who is going to need that many tampons? (See previous post)
Friday, August 12, 2005
This is the kind of thing I've been typing all day. I earn my 15 $ an hour thankyouverymuch.
"The disk to disk stress is calculated as a corner stress, which is a simplified vector sum of the stress resulting from the voltage between disk and from the disk to the adjacent winding. This is a good procedure, but I still prefer to also have the calculated voltages between disk so that the withstand of the spaces can also be checked by an alternate method."
Don't we all prefer to have the calculated voltages between disk so that the withstand spaces can be checked by an alternate method?
(It is supposed to be "disk," and not "disks." I checked. So there.)
P.S. I just saw the world's biggest box of tampons. It's the size of a refrigerator box. I kid you not. That's a lot of tampons.
"The disk to disk stress is calculated as a corner stress, which is a simplified vector sum of the stress resulting from the voltage between disk and from the disk to the adjacent winding. This is a good procedure, but I still prefer to also have the calculated voltages between disk so that the withstand of the spaces can also be checked by an alternate method."
Don't we all prefer to have the calculated voltages between disk so that the withstand spaces can be checked by an alternate method?
(It is supposed to be "disk," and not "disks." I checked. So there.)
P.S. I just saw the world's biggest box of tampons. It's the size of a refrigerator box. I kid you not. That's a lot of tampons.
Ok, this is weird. I had a dream at approx. 9 AM in which I was dumped at the altar by Adam (A-Kep) and then made to stand by and watch the ceremony as a bridesmaid. Apparently Adam had arranged some kind of bizzare ceremony in which he would tell everyone who he would marry and then the wedding would commence posthaste. Early in the day he had given me a greeting card containing the pertitent dumping information, and I was told that, "Adam really wanted you to read that card before the wedding."
I was heartbroken, because AK and I had spent several hours playing with two goldfish and a baby shark we had put in a flooded basement.
How could you Adam?! We played with fish and sharks together!
He dumped me for someone named Nicole who was, in my opinion from the dream, a total bitch. (I don't actually know someone named Nicole, do I?)
Also weird: Some scientists caught light in a crystal for 1 second and then let it go again. My thought: keep the light forever as a natural flashlight alternative.
P.S. Is it good to take a shower that's so hot your entire body is red like those cheap hot dogs they sell at the circus? Yeah, it is good. I thought so.
I was heartbroken, because AK and I had spent several hours playing with two goldfish and a baby shark we had put in a flooded basement.
How could you Adam?! We played with fish and sharks together!
He dumped me for someone named Nicole who was, in my opinion from the dream, a total bitch. (I don't actually know someone named Nicole, do I?)
Also weird: Some scientists caught light in a crystal for 1 second and then let it go again. My thought: keep the light forever as a natural flashlight alternative.
P.S. Is it good to take a shower that's so hot your entire body is red like those cheap hot dogs they sell at the circus? Yeah, it is good. I thought so.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
So blah blah blah, I went to England and Scotland. It's over. It was over a long, long time ago, and now it's time for me to move on.
Re: Saint Louis, that great old city by the bay.
Why don't I have a digital camera? I have nothing to add to the Weissler-Bohnenkamp Wedding Extravaganza except written anecdotes, which, let's face it, are just not funny without pictures. (People who wrote the Bible, take note).
Anyway, I had a great time. Props to the Tacos (and Tequila Shooter and Huevos Rancheros, of course) for fun, AS ALWAYS.
A dignified nod and salute to the Party Posse for the Great St. Louis Motorcar Adventure (I see mix tapes in your future if I can get your addresses to send them to you, of course).
And a big squishy hug to the O-town kids who have proved that a bunch of geeks and weirdos can still have a great time with each other long after they have packed up their lockers and driven their beater cars out of the Millard West (or North!) parking lot for the last time.
Re: My life today.
*Reading State of Fear by Michael Crichton. Is a total piece of crap. Big suprise. Needs dinosaurs.
*Drinking green tea that looks like pee. Weight loss on the horizon? Pee?
*Watching King of the Hill. The best!
*Writing nothing. Writing has to build up like calcium and lime deposits in your shower drain until it gets all backed up and you have to get some Draino (graduate school) and blast it all out, along with those plastic razor blade guards, ponytail holders, hair (gag), and maybe a bobby pin or two.
*Eating overpriced "natural" grain cereal while I can still afford name brand products (Hello Dr. Thunder and Toasted Oat Circles). Should start eating fruits and vegetables before my inevitable descent into processed food hell. Mmmmm. Processed food hell.
It's an orange ozone alert day!!!!!!!!
(What the hell does that mean? Should I be boiling water and washing strips of cloth for clean bandages? Hiding in the basement? Screeching uncontrollably?)
Re: Saint Louis, that great old city by the bay.
Why don't I have a digital camera? I have nothing to add to the Weissler-Bohnenkamp Wedding Extravaganza except written anecdotes, which, let's face it, are just not funny without pictures. (People who wrote the Bible, take note).
Anyway, I had a great time. Props to the Tacos (and Tequila Shooter and Huevos Rancheros, of course) for fun, AS ALWAYS.
A dignified nod and salute to the Party Posse for the Great St. Louis Motorcar Adventure (I see mix tapes in your future if I can get your addresses to send them to you, of course).
And a big squishy hug to the O-town kids who have proved that a bunch of geeks and weirdos can still have a great time with each other long after they have packed up their lockers and driven their beater cars out of the Millard West (or North!) parking lot for the last time.
Re: My life today.
*Reading State of Fear by Michael Crichton. Is a total piece of crap. Big suprise. Needs dinosaurs.
*Drinking green tea that looks like pee. Weight loss on the horizon? Pee?
*Watching King of the Hill. The best!
*Writing nothing. Writing has to build up like calcium and lime deposits in your shower drain until it gets all backed up and you have to get some Draino (graduate school) and blast it all out, along with those plastic razor blade guards, ponytail holders, hair (gag), and maybe a bobby pin or two.
*Eating overpriced "natural" grain cereal while I can still afford name brand products (Hello Dr. Thunder and Toasted Oat Circles). Should start eating fruits and vegetables before my inevitable descent into processed food hell. Mmmmm. Processed food hell.
It's an orange ozone alert day!!!!!!!!
(What the hell does that mean? Should I be boiling water and washing strips of cloth for clean bandages? Hiding in the basement? Screeching uncontrollably?)
